SAHM turned Working Mom
Before I even start this blog entry I guess I should clarify I have in fact been on both sides of this spectrum. Hence the lovely title for all the Karen's out there. I knew if I worded it SAHM vs. Working mom all hell would break loose. I get asked this question often at work either by customers or even fellow coworkers, "You don't just want to stay at home with your babies?". I normally just give a nervous chuckle and move the conversation along. To answer that statement I did stay home with my babies, until my oldest was almost 5 years old and our youngest was 2. For almost 5 years I enjoyed being there every second of my kids lives. I didn't miss a second. We were thousands of miles away from family so it was the mommy and kiddo show 365 days a year. I slowly started to loose myself as a person. Not only was my spouse taking on all responsibility pertaining to finances but my mental health started to rapidly decline.
If your mental health starts to affect your everyday life it's OK to make a change. Read that back to yourself. For myself I knew I needed to get back into the workplace. Don't get me wrong I love being, "Mom". It is my greatest achievement in life bringing our boys into this world. There was a moment when I started to lose Bethany and only knew myself as, Mom. I had made several attempts to enter the workplace even before we had our now 2 year old. Once you mention you are a military spouse not many employers are willing to guarantee you a position other than seasonal. On top of my husband being in the military he's a firefighter which means I am the sole parent 48 hours at a time. Thus making the babysitting fees start to add up after awhile at a minimum wage job. Lowering your availability making you an undesirable candidate for many positions.
It was a constant battle with myself. Constantly feeling judged. "She just sits at home all day doing nothing". "Wow I wish I could just stay home all day 24/7". The sideway glares when I would mention I was just a SAHM. Meanwhile I'm screaming for help internally. Begging for any and all adult interaction once my husband gets home. Taking all my frustrations out on him as if his job isn't already stressful enough. It's a battle and it's not a pretty one. After our third military move, I was determined to create something for "MYSELF" here. This was going to be the city I made friends and finally found a little more of me again. As If a sign from God a job opportunity was posted in the spouses page for a position out in town. I called the Manager within maybe 5 minutes of it being posted. I was motivated. Maybe just a tad bit desperate sounding but hey no regrets. Within a week I had my interview and was hired for a starting position for the company. I can't stress this enough. When going into an interview be 100% honest. You don't have to be a military spouse you could just be a single mom trying to make a living. I laid everything out on the table. When I was available. How motivated I was. My kids would be my priority if a situation every arises. However, I would be dedicated to my position. I'm a perfectionist.
As I'm just about to hit my 1-year mark at my job I wanted to reflect back on what's happened on this wild ride. It hasn't been easy. I've stumbled into work after being up all night with my kiddos. I've had run ins with a lot of Karen's. I've sacrificed time with my husband so we can avoid babysitter costs as much as possible. I've shed a lot of tears. Some good but I won't lie many have been stressful tears streaming down my face. I realized spending 5 years home being mom I don't know how to not be mom outside my house. When I'm at work I'm annoying my husband every few minutes asking how the boys are doing. Which is funny because he does the same thing when he's on shift. He's my person. We are the same. I worry about needing sitters on certain days if schedules collide. Having new people come into my home to watch the two little souls I carried in my body. I worry if I'm even doing the right thing most days. The thoughts never seem to stop.
An important thing I HAVE realized though is most nights I come home feeling refreshed. Kind of like I'm riding a high. Adrenaline is rushing through my veins if you will. That's being a little dramatic, but you get the picture. It could be because I had some much needed girl chit chatting with my coworkers, or I had a sweet elderly lady come into the store. It's a running joke amongst the girls that I seem to attract all our older clients. I don't mind it. Send all your granny's, grandma's, nana's my way. The point is those few hours away a few days a week waters my mind so it can flourish. It helps me be a better mom now. I don't feel as cranky but who are we kidding I'm still cranky. I don't want the point of this blog post to feel as if I'm saying every mom needs to enter back into the workplace. Just listen to your mind. It does talk to you. AND you can talk back. Know when to raise and when to fold them. I'm thankful now I finally listened to what mine was telling me. Now all these flowers are blooming for me. I hope yours has a bouquet too.
Much Love,
Bethany
If your mental health starts to affect your everyday life it's OK to make a change. Read that back to yourself. For myself I knew I needed to get back into the workplace. Don't get me wrong I love being, "Mom". It is my greatest achievement in life bringing our boys into this world. There was a moment when I started to lose Bethany and only knew myself as, Mom. I had made several attempts to enter the workplace even before we had our now 2 year old. Once you mention you are a military spouse not many employers are willing to guarantee you a position other than seasonal. On top of my husband being in the military he's a firefighter which means I am the sole parent 48 hours at a time. Thus making the babysitting fees start to add up after awhile at a minimum wage job. Lowering your availability making you an undesirable candidate for many positions.
It was a constant battle with myself. Constantly feeling judged. "She just sits at home all day doing nothing". "Wow I wish I could just stay home all day 24/7". The sideway glares when I would mention I was just a SAHM. Meanwhile I'm screaming for help internally. Begging for any and all adult interaction once my husband gets home. Taking all my frustrations out on him as if his job isn't already stressful enough. It's a battle and it's not a pretty one. After our third military move, I was determined to create something for "MYSELF" here. This was going to be the city I made friends and finally found a little more of me again. As If a sign from God a job opportunity was posted in the spouses page for a position out in town. I called the Manager within maybe 5 minutes of it being posted. I was motivated. Maybe just a tad bit desperate sounding but hey no regrets. Within a week I had my interview and was hired for a starting position for the company. I can't stress this enough. When going into an interview be 100% honest. You don't have to be a military spouse you could just be a single mom trying to make a living. I laid everything out on the table. When I was available. How motivated I was. My kids would be my priority if a situation every arises. However, I would be dedicated to my position. I'm a perfectionist.
As I'm just about to hit my 1-year mark at my job I wanted to reflect back on what's happened on this wild ride. It hasn't been easy. I've stumbled into work after being up all night with my kiddos. I've had run ins with a lot of Karen's. I've sacrificed time with my husband so we can avoid babysitter costs as much as possible. I've shed a lot of tears. Some good but I won't lie many have been stressful tears streaming down my face. I realized spending 5 years home being mom I don't know how to not be mom outside my house. When I'm at work I'm annoying my husband every few minutes asking how the boys are doing. Which is funny because he does the same thing when he's on shift. He's my person. We are the same. I worry about needing sitters on certain days if schedules collide. Having new people come into my home to watch the two little souls I carried in my body. I worry if I'm even doing the right thing most days. The thoughts never seem to stop.
An important thing I HAVE realized though is most nights I come home feeling refreshed. Kind of like I'm riding a high. Adrenaline is rushing through my veins if you will. That's being a little dramatic, but you get the picture. It could be because I had some much needed girl chit chatting with my coworkers, or I had a sweet elderly lady come into the store. It's a running joke amongst the girls that I seem to attract all our older clients. I don't mind it. Send all your granny's, grandma's, nana's my way. The point is those few hours away a few days a week waters my mind so it can flourish. It helps me be a better mom now. I don't feel as cranky but who are we kidding I'm still cranky. I don't want the point of this blog post to feel as if I'm saying every mom needs to enter back into the workplace. Just listen to your mind. It does talk to you. AND you can talk back. Know when to raise and when to fold them. I'm thankful now I finally listened to what mine was telling me. Now all these flowers are blooming for me. I hope yours has a bouquet too.
Much Love,
Bethany
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