The future is feminism
I knew I wanted to sit down and write about everything that is currently going on in this messed up world today. How could I not? I've actually written this several times and it just didn't feel right. I have so many thoughts and things swirling around my mind that I want to say. I originally planned on turning this into a complete, "under his eye" we aren't going to stand for this any longer rant. I still back that idea but after spending time with my family this past weekend I began to reflect on my thoughts. I saw a protest sign that read, "Being a feminist doesn't mean I hate men". BOOM. There it was for me. The sign I needed to see physically and metaphorically to break my writers block. As a woman I feel angry, upset, and desperately hoping for a change in this world. Now that I am a mom to two little boys I have to remember just because I am a feminist per say doesn't mean I should promote all destruction to men. And that's not what being a feminist means. I'm a boy mom desperately trying to raise kind, gentle, and caring individuals that will one day raise their own. So instead of running with my original idea my hopes for this post is for someone to possibly change their views or maybe even just consider what it is like to be a woman today. I am going to be VERY vulnerable in this post. I'm going to discuss things only a select few people know. Just a little glimpse into what it has been and will be to live my life as a, "woman". I also hope young girls read this and know you don't have to hide certain aspects of your life just because you are a girl. YOU don't have to feel embarrassed or second class to anyone. For a long time I hated being a girl and it took me living 25 years to realize how empowering your womanhood can make you feel. I also hope young men read this and begin to view women from a different perspective. Whether a man likes to acknowledge it or not a woman is the reason you entered this world. If you've made it this far let's dive in!
I guess I will put a disclaimer that probably 90% of this blog is going to be about periods and everything female organ related. Insert gasps here. Yes I said the, "P" word. Oh the horror. BUT if men are going to make decisions for women medically then we should be able to discuss blood exiting our body monthly. Sorry not sorry. Because often men make us feel disgusting for something that is naturally occurring and we have absolutely no control over. I unfortunately was one of the girls that was visited by her red sister at a very young age (11 years old). Thankfully I was already educated on what was happening to my body due to helping my mom with her own female related issues. My mom and many other women in my family suffer from pcos. My brother and I were considered miracle babies due to the extent of my mom’s issues. I was extremely embarrassed to even discuss periods or anything pertaining to my body. My body was significantly different than other girls at school physically on the outside and medically on the inside. There were many times I would bleed through my pants and boys would make fun of me the entire class. A bunch of pads fell out of my bag once and I was topic of conversation that day. I'd embarrassingly ask to go to the bathroom and beg to be picked up from school. If I wasn't suffering from bleeding to death (I'm being dramatic but it's not a complete exaggeration) I was silently battling extremely painful cramps. I remember every month when it was time for my period I would beg to stay home because I was scared of someone seeing me or some other scenario. My face would be so broken out I repeatedly heard the cliché, "pizza face" remark constantly. I can't even describe how stressful it is to focus on academics and sports while experiencing all this simultaneously. Everything I've just discussed is only things I endured up until my Freshman year of high school. I knew something was wrong with my body. During all of this I dealt with the typical blonde jokes. The boob jokes. Acne jokes. You name it I heard it. I began constantly covering my face with makeup in hopes of at least ending that portion of daily ridicule. I was at a point in my life I didn't feel comfortable leaving the house without make up on and I still struggle with this today.
Sophomore year of high school I started dating a boy I had known since I was 9 years old. Back when boys were gross and I was going to grow up to be a veterinarian. Spoiler alert boys are in fact not gross (ok well that’s not entirely true) and my dream of being a veterinarian ended when my childhood dog passed away after 13 great years. My then boyfriend (another spoiler alert he put a ring on it) never made me feel embarrassed when my lady issues would arise. I will never forget during our senior year I was hit with a mother of all periods. I did not have any of the things I needed (rookie mistake) due to irregularities and just plain not being prepared. My sweet man of mine ran into Walmart to get everything I needed so I didn’t have to get out of the car. Including my favorite ice cream and chocolates. Even thinking about it now I’m speechless. My then 18 year old boyfriend showed more compassion towards me than some grown men today in society. I feel the strong urge to run to him right now and shower him with love. He knew I was struggling. He didn’t care if somebody saw him buying pads or whatever else I needed. It was as if a sign was in front of me saying, “never let him go, he’s meant for you”. It’s my body. It’s my issues. He never told me to stop being dramatic or, “it’s just your period”.
Even today at 25 years old and the mother of two great boys I still struggle each month. Not only did everything happening in the feminist community encourage me to write this but just comments I’ve received lately. Some have been from men but surprisingly enough women have a hard time having compassion towards other women. Just a few I've been told recently or I have heard towards others:
"Periods can't be that bad"
"Just take a midol"
"Do you wash your face?"
"If your boobs weren't so big you'd look smaller"
"You need to at least have one more baby so you can get your girl"
"She's nice but she's chubbier than I thought"
"You have kids so everything must work correctly right?"
"Being on your period isn't an excuse to be lazy" (A coworker told me this once during my first ever job. I felt so low that night after she told me this. What she didn't know is I really tried my hardest that day. The pain was just so bad and I didn't want to call out being so new to my job).
Sometimes in life people spew out actual garbage from their mouth. They don't think before they speak or simply just don't care how their words affect others. In my past I had different views and wasn't the greatest person. Now that I have lived through certain aspects in my life and gained this new knowledge I see life from a completely different perspective. Being given this hand of cards in life really opened my eyes to being more understanding and accepting to others. It is not my decision to control others. I am in control of my self. My own body. I already feel partially taken over by my own reproductive organs so I can't imagine having someone make decisions for myself.
During my C-section with my youngest I received a lot of unanswered questions when issues were discovered with my uterus and surrounding area. I loved my doctor so very much (Dr. Cross in Clovis, NM) and he talked me through everything. During my pregnancy we had discussed my issues prior to being pregnant and my concerns for after giving birth. The topic of endometriosis was discussed and even the talk of the dreaded hysterectomy. Scary word to some but honestly when you suffer from chronic pain you are open to literally anything. After doing my own research and finding some really great moms on Instagram I learned more about endometriosis. Yeah don’t worry I can’t pronounce it correctly either. Reading the symptoms and testimonies from other moms I just broke down in tears. All these years I felt so lost. I felt like my feelings and emotions weren’t validated. I’ve tried in the past to open about my issues and received the typical, “periods aren’t that bad”. It’s an out of sight out of mind ordeal. When I was 16 years old I tried describing my symptoms to a doctor and was told birth control should level my body out. Yeah heads up when your body already creates too many hormones adding even more hormones causes chaos. I became light headed all the time. Gained 20lbs. Constant headaches. The only time my body hasn’t been controlled by chronic pain was during both of my pregnancies which was a catch 22 for me. Yes, I was getting a break from my awful red sister but I was suffering high risks due to other medical issues. I thought at least fixing my visible issues would ease my body into these, "easy" monthly visits I've always heard. What people don't understand is even with surgery and corrections symptoms of endometriosis keeping happening. I began to go into a depressive state. My life was being controlled by my reproductive organs. The same organs I was so thankful for because I have two beautiful boys. My body is constantly bloated. A flare up will hit me and all I can do is sit in a warm bath. My body breaks out in extremely painful hormonal cystic acne. I feel physically trapped inside my body. I feel like I can’t leave my own home because I may bleed through my clothes or pass out from the pain. I had to travel once during a visit and almost passed out on the plane from blood loss. Not my best day. I stopped expressing my feelings and emotions to family/friends because I felt almost like a drama queen. Nobody else I know besides my mom has these extreme issues. I do a good job of somewhat hiding it now but why? Why should I act like I'm ok? Why just because we are women must we act perfect all the time?
When I watched the news and began seeing everyone’s posts on social media my heart sank. Men have no clue what it’s like being a woman in this world. I have sat down and thought, “ you know all this pain could be gone if I was just created with different chromosomes”. Women have to make these decisions and then worry what’s others will think about them. Add on to that the years they already lived suffering internally and will continue to suffer afterwards. I saw a post on Instagram from a doctor describing the different scenarios she has encountered inside a closed door with patients. When bills or regulations are created such as this it’s not a one size fits all. Situations are different. Women are different. The mental abuse however is the same. Nobody experiences something in life and just forgets it. It stays with you forever. A memory. An emotion. An experience. It’s there forever. I know you may be confused on why I talked about periods and my own personal experience. I just want people to know just a small portion of what it’s like to be a woman. To live with a body that people are trying to control. The thought of having another child mentally scares every fiber of my being. The sheer thought of experiencing those same medical issues and taking the risk of intensifying my lady issues again scares me. My children are my pride and joy but that was my decision! I can’t imagine someone telling me I had to experience that again. I would never force that on another woman. It is not my decision. It’s nobody else’s decision.
Sit down and try to put yourself in a woman's shoes. The woman that was just told her baby would be born with numerous medical issues and never survive the night after birth. The woman carrying a baby that will be born, "sleeping". The young girl that had her childhood innocence taken away and must now make the hardest decision of her life. The woman that has desperately tried to conceive for the past 5 years and losses her angel baby due to miscarriage. The woman that was promised full support from a partner and is now left with the decision on continuing down this road alone. We can not speak for these women. They have voices of their own. They were born with bodies of their own. I hope this post was respectful. Eye opening. Maybe view changing. Please just take something from this post. I honestly get confused when I hear men say certain things and even women. If it wasn't for a WOMAN carrying and experiencing the most painful thing she will ever encounter in her life you wouldn't be here today. Respect her. Love her more. Don't try to control her. My biggest hope in life is for my own boys to grow up like their father. Small random acts of kindness to show they have compassion and are listening to things around them. Letting people live their life and being compassionate doesn't make you less of a man. We are women and we will not be silenced. We will no longer be controlled. Eve was created as Adam's companion not a pawn that can be treated as second class. Burn a bra. Write your congressman. Make a protest sign. Do what ever you have to do to get your word out. Sending so much love to my fellow women out there. Nobody is perfect. Don't let anyone make you feel less than your worth! We must stick together. The future is female. The Future is feminism.
If you are a young girl reading this know it does get better! You learn to seek better medical help. You learn what works best for your body. Don't give up on yourself. If a man ever makes you feel a certain way just because it's that time of the month move on girl! There's somebody out there that will see you for the goddess you are! Don't be ashamed of your body for it is the reason the world is what it is today. Life is because of us. Feel empowered. Feel unstoppable. You are woman.
I would like to dedicate this post to my Mom! You had the decision 25 years ago to start this journey and I am so thankful you did. Now together we can share our stories and give a voice to other women struggling daily. I love you Ma! all the way to shady pines and back!
Much love,
Mom-ish Chronicles
I guess I will put a disclaimer that probably 90% of this blog is going to be about periods and everything female organ related. Insert gasps here. Yes I said the, "P" word. Oh the horror. BUT if men are going to make decisions for women medically then we should be able to discuss blood exiting our body monthly. Sorry not sorry. Because often men make us feel disgusting for something that is naturally occurring and we have absolutely no control over. I unfortunately was one of the girls that was visited by her red sister at a very young age (11 years old). Thankfully I was already educated on what was happening to my body due to helping my mom with her own female related issues. My mom and many other women in my family suffer from pcos. My brother and I were considered miracle babies due to the extent of my mom’s issues. I was extremely embarrassed to even discuss periods or anything pertaining to my body. My body was significantly different than other girls at school physically on the outside and medically on the inside. There were many times I would bleed through my pants and boys would make fun of me the entire class. A bunch of pads fell out of my bag once and I was topic of conversation that day. I'd embarrassingly ask to go to the bathroom and beg to be picked up from school. If I wasn't suffering from bleeding to death (I'm being dramatic but it's not a complete exaggeration) I was silently battling extremely painful cramps. I remember every month when it was time for my period I would beg to stay home because I was scared of someone seeing me or some other scenario. My face would be so broken out I repeatedly heard the cliché, "pizza face" remark constantly. I can't even describe how stressful it is to focus on academics and sports while experiencing all this simultaneously. Everything I've just discussed is only things I endured up until my Freshman year of high school. I knew something was wrong with my body. During all of this I dealt with the typical blonde jokes. The boob jokes. Acne jokes. You name it I heard it. I began constantly covering my face with makeup in hopes of at least ending that portion of daily ridicule. I was at a point in my life I didn't feel comfortable leaving the house without make up on and I still struggle with this today.
Sophomore year of high school I started dating a boy I had known since I was 9 years old. Back when boys were gross and I was going to grow up to be a veterinarian. Spoiler alert boys are in fact not gross (ok well that’s not entirely true) and my dream of being a veterinarian ended when my childhood dog passed away after 13 great years. My then boyfriend (another spoiler alert he put a ring on it) never made me feel embarrassed when my lady issues would arise. I will never forget during our senior year I was hit with a mother of all periods. I did not have any of the things I needed (rookie mistake) due to irregularities and just plain not being prepared. My sweet man of mine ran into Walmart to get everything I needed so I didn’t have to get out of the car. Including my favorite ice cream and chocolates. Even thinking about it now I’m speechless. My then 18 year old boyfriend showed more compassion towards me than some grown men today in society. I feel the strong urge to run to him right now and shower him with love. He knew I was struggling. He didn’t care if somebody saw him buying pads or whatever else I needed. It was as if a sign was in front of me saying, “never let him go, he’s meant for you”. It’s my body. It’s my issues. He never told me to stop being dramatic or, “it’s just your period”.
Even today at 25 years old and the mother of two great boys I still struggle each month. Not only did everything happening in the feminist community encourage me to write this but just comments I’ve received lately. Some have been from men but surprisingly enough women have a hard time having compassion towards other women. Just a few I've been told recently or I have heard towards others:
"Periods can't be that bad"
"Just take a midol"
"Do you wash your face?"
"If your boobs weren't so big you'd look smaller"
"You need to at least have one more baby so you can get your girl"
"She's nice but she's chubbier than I thought"
"You have kids so everything must work correctly right?"
"Being on your period isn't an excuse to be lazy" (A coworker told me this once during my first ever job. I felt so low that night after she told me this. What she didn't know is I really tried my hardest that day. The pain was just so bad and I didn't want to call out being so new to my job).
Sometimes in life people spew out actual garbage from their mouth. They don't think before they speak or simply just don't care how their words affect others. In my past I had different views and wasn't the greatest person. Now that I have lived through certain aspects in my life and gained this new knowledge I see life from a completely different perspective. Being given this hand of cards in life really opened my eyes to being more understanding and accepting to others. It is not my decision to control others. I am in control of my self. My own body. I already feel partially taken over by my own reproductive organs so I can't imagine having someone make decisions for myself.
During my C-section with my youngest I received a lot of unanswered questions when issues were discovered with my uterus and surrounding area. I loved my doctor so very much (Dr. Cross in Clovis, NM) and he talked me through everything. During my pregnancy we had discussed my issues prior to being pregnant and my concerns for after giving birth. The topic of endometriosis was discussed and even the talk of the dreaded hysterectomy. Scary word to some but honestly when you suffer from chronic pain you are open to literally anything. After doing my own research and finding some really great moms on Instagram I learned more about endometriosis. Yeah don’t worry I can’t pronounce it correctly either. Reading the symptoms and testimonies from other moms I just broke down in tears. All these years I felt so lost. I felt like my feelings and emotions weren’t validated. I’ve tried in the past to open about my issues and received the typical, “periods aren’t that bad”. It’s an out of sight out of mind ordeal. When I was 16 years old I tried describing my symptoms to a doctor and was told birth control should level my body out. Yeah heads up when your body already creates too many hormones adding even more hormones causes chaos. I became light headed all the time. Gained 20lbs. Constant headaches. The only time my body hasn’t been controlled by chronic pain was during both of my pregnancies which was a catch 22 for me. Yes, I was getting a break from my awful red sister but I was suffering high risks due to other medical issues. I thought at least fixing my visible issues would ease my body into these, "easy" monthly visits I've always heard. What people don't understand is even with surgery and corrections symptoms of endometriosis keeping happening. I began to go into a depressive state. My life was being controlled by my reproductive organs. The same organs I was so thankful for because I have two beautiful boys. My body is constantly bloated. A flare up will hit me and all I can do is sit in a warm bath. My body breaks out in extremely painful hormonal cystic acne. I feel physically trapped inside my body. I feel like I can’t leave my own home because I may bleed through my clothes or pass out from the pain. I had to travel once during a visit and almost passed out on the plane from blood loss. Not my best day. I stopped expressing my feelings and emotions to family/friends because I felt almost like a drama queen. Nobody else I know besides my mom has these extreme issues. I do a good job of somewhat hiding it now but why? Why should I act like I'm ok? Why just because we are women must we act perfect all the time?
When I watched the news and began seeing everyone’s posts on social media my heart sank. Men have no clue what it’s like being a woman in this world. I have sat down and thought, “ you know all this pain could be gone if I was just created with different chromosomes”. Women have to make these decisions and then worry what’s others will think about them. Add on to that the years they already lived suffering internally and will continue to suffer afterwards. I saw a post on Instagram from a doctor describing the different scenarios she has encountered inside a closed door with patients. When bills or regulations are created such as this it’s not a one size fits all. Situations are different. Women are different. The mental abuse however is the same. Nobody experiences something in life and just forgets it. It stays with you forever. A memory. An emotion. An experience. It’s there forever. I know you may be confused on why I talked about periods and my own personal experience. I just want people to know just a small portion of what it’s like to be a woman. To live with a body that people are trying to control. The thought of having another child mentally scares every fiber of my being. The sheer thought of experiencing those same medical issues and taking the risk of intensifying my lady issues again scares me. My children are my pride and joy but that was my decision! I can’t imagine someone telling me I had to experience that again. I would never force that on another woman. It is not my decision. It’s nobody else’s decision.
Sit down and try to put yourself in a woman's shoes. The woman that was just told her baby would be born with numerous medical issues and never survive the night after birth. The woman carrying a baby that will be born, "sleeping". The young girl that had her childhood innocence taken away and must now make the hardest decision of her life. The woman that has desperately tried to conceive for the past 5 years and losses her angel baby due to miscarriage. The woman that was promised full support from a partner and is now left with the decision on continuing down this road alone. We can not speak for these women. They have voices of their own. They were born with bodies of their own. I hope this post was respectful. Eye opening. Maybe view changing. Please just take something from this post. I honestly get confused when I hear men say certain things and even women. If it wasn't for a WOMAN carrying and experiencing the most painful thing she will ever encounter in her life you wouldn't be here today. Respect her. Love her more. Don't try to control her. My biggest hope in life is for my own boys to grow up like their father. Small random acts of kindness to show they have compassion and are listening to things around them. Letting people live their life and being compassionate doesn't make you less of a man. We are women and we will not be silenced. We will no longer be controlled. Eve was created as Adam's companion not a pawn that can be treated as second class. Burn a bra. Write your congressman. Make a protest sign. Do what ever you have to do to get your word out. Sending so much love to my fellow women out there. Nobody is perfect. Don't let anyone make you feel less than your worth! We must stick together. The future is female. The Future is feminism.
If you are a young girl reading this know it does get better! You learn to seek better medical help. You learn what works best for your body. Don't give up on yourself. If a man ever makes you feel a certain way just because it's that time of the month move on girl! There's somebody out there that will see you for the goddess you are! Don't be ashamed of your body for it is the reason the world is what it is today. Life is because of us. Feel empowered. Feel unstoppable. You are woman.
I would like to dedicate this post to my Mom! You had the decision 25 years ago to start this journey and I am so thankful you did. Now together we can share our stories and give a voice to other women struggling daily. I love you Ma! all the way to shady pines and back!
Much love,
Mom-ish Chronicles
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